Inside Myself, I Found the Heart of Someone Else

Before my diaconate ordination, I had the opportunity to make a 30-day retreat called the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola with some of my classmates. Each day was comprised of many hours of meditation on the Scriptures, contemplation and silence, and daily meetings with a spiritual director. The goal of the Exercises was to form our hearts to be more attentive and responsive to the workings of divine grace. During this retreat, I also asked God for the gift of interior freedom, especially because I was anxious about this next step toward priestly ordination. I remember one day asking my spiritual director for guidance, and he said these few simple words, which has left a profound impact on my life: “Stay in the Heart of Jesus.”

At first, I did not understand what he meant. What did he mean to stay in His Heart? I felt like Nicodemus, asking the Lord how to be born again (cf. Jn 3). Sure, it sounded nice, but I didn’t know what it meant for me practically speaking. Yet, he stood firm on his advice. He repeated: “Go to the Heart of Jesus, and stay there. Don’t do anything, don’t say anything. Just remain in His Heart.” I let go of my presuppositions and I found a statue of the Sacred Heart in a quiet garden. I sat there on the grass, and stayed in silence, casting all my anxieties upon him who cares for me (cf. 1 Pet 5:7). In the stillness, I imagined myself climbing into his wounded side, like a dove in the cleft of the rock (cf. Song 2:14). And there, inside myself, I found the Heart of Someone else. In this encounter, I felt a deep peace which gave me the courage to continue in my discernment with confidence. The Heart of Jesus became for me, not a mere symbol, but a beating and life-giving Presence, full of affection and desire.

“Go to the Heart of Jesus, and stay there. Don’t do anything, don’t say anything. Just remain in His Heart.”

The mystery of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus expresses perfectly what Christianity is for all of us. It’s not simply a grand idea, nor is it simply a collection of morals and teachings to follow — Christianity is much, much more, because God has taken on a human heart. God has a heart that yearns, and aches, and is alive today. Unlike our hearts which exist for our self-preservation, the Heart of Jesus was meant to die. His blood was never meant to be kept within himself, but to be poured out as a ransom for many (cf. Mk 10:45). For this reason, his wounded side, was never meant to be stitched-up and closed, rather, it is for us today the gate of salvation (cf. Jn 10:9). 

Be not afraid to enter the Heart of Jesus; let us heed his call to abide in him. Let us never be afraid to stay in His Heart. In his flames of love, we can walk confidently through valleys of uncertainty and doubt because our God, the Alpha and Omega, and the Lord of history has a heart that loves us to the end (cf. Jn 13:1). 

Fr. Martin Dicuangco is a priest for the Archdiocese of Toronto, currently studying in Rome. Fr. Dicuangco studied kinesiology at the University of Toronto before entering formation at St. Augustine's Seminary of Toronto. Fr. Dicuangco was ordained to the priesthood in 2020.